On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Mistakenly, most couples think what creates a happy marriage is loving each other but that is simply only a minor start. The reason: not only is loving each other usually defined differently by both spouses, often one spouse’s idea of loving each other is a really false perspective that ends up damaging the relationship.

Years ago I counseled a couple and the wife thought it was okay to scream, yell, and call names because she observed her parents exhibiting those behaviors and her parents were still married. When I asked for a description of the relationship, the husband chimed in with “they strongly resent each other, do almost nothing together, and sleep in separate bedrooms.” How to have a healthy disagreement discussion was actually foreign to the wife’s way of thinking because her opinion was not a healthy marital axiom.

The legendary football coach Vince Lombardi said, “Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect.” Likewise, loving each other does not make a satisfying marriage. Only loving each other with beneficial marital words and behaviors make a gratifying marriage.

TODAY: Independently, I encourage you and your spouse to make a list of your top ten marital truths that you “think” creates a happy marriage. Then, together discuss if those ideas are strong marital truisms or merely unhealthy opinions. (If you have children, I urge you to do the same exercise as parents.)

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