The Daily Essential 10-Minutes

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. A good synonym for love is time.  We can easily determine what we love or value by how we spend our time.

Several months ago at the end of a couple counseling session, I asked both the husband and wife to request one specific need from each other before bedtime.  The wife asked her husband to spend 10-minutes giving their daughter his undivided attention.   Happily, I can report that he willingly concurred with her excellent idea and both dad and daughter enjoyed special time together.

When possible, I absolutely believe that daily we need to spend a minimum of 10 minutes with every significant family member.  Due to divorce, work, etc. I realize that every marriage and family will have different time schedules so that goal may be difficult to achieve on a daily basis.  However, without regular one-on-one time with those closest to us, it will be a struggle to have a meaningful, rewarding relationship.

TODAY:  Schedule 10 minutes of focused attention on each significant family member. 

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Fact Based Decision-Making

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Over the course of our lives, all of us will make numerous mistakes.  Unfortunately, most of those mistakes were due to thinking with our "heart" rather than thinking with our "head."   In hindsight, we wish that we were wiser by looking at the objective facts.

When it comes to making decisions, this post is a friendly reminder for all of us to take the elevator from our heart to our head.  By evaluating the concrete facts in a "pro" and "con" fashion, we can increase the probabilities of making either the healthiest or correct choice with most decisions.

TODAY:  With significant decisions, use the "Rule of Three" by writing down three objective facts that support every important decision.  

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Have A Positive Vocabulary

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Empowering our mind is essential for a meaningful life and enjoyable relationships.  Life is just too short to waste time with unproductive, negative language.  Toxic words also hurt us mentally, emotionally, physically, as well as in our relationships.

A strong vocabulary includes phrases like, "I get to" help others; "I am choosing" to encourage others; "This is distressing NOT dangerous AND I can cope and handle every challenge"; "I will and I can" achieve my goals.

When we change our language for the better, we create an enthusiasm for life with a positive attitude for every situation and relationship.  For the word "crisis," the Chinese have two symbols, "danger" and "opportunity." With God's help, when we have a positive vocabulary we turn our challenges into opportunities.

TODAY:  Only have a positive vocabulary to be mentally strong and enhance relationships with others. (September 6, 2017)

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Have Honest, Beautiful Communication

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Sadly, I have frequently had a spouse tell me, “I just want to be totally open with all my thoughts and feelings.”   However, totally open communication can often be brutally blunt which devalues a spouse and damages a marriage.  For example, telling one’s spouse “that actress is stunningly beautiful” or “that actor is really handsome” is not only insensitive but vicious and almost heartless.

The opposite of brutally blunt is honest, beautiful communication, that is, lovingly sharing thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, with a sincere desire to strengthen a marital relationship. Our ultimate goal with family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and everyone, is to have Honest, Beautiful  Communication.

TODAY:  Let’s avoid being brutally blunt and make it our goal to have Honest, Beautiful Communication with everyone we speak with throughout this day and every day. 

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Counseling Practice Now In Carmel

My counseling practice is now located at Cornerstone Lutheran Church, 4850 East Main Street, Carmel, IN.  Please contact me at info@drrandallschroeder.com or 260-348-8777. Please also continue to follow my blog posts as well as read the practical skills for Marriage, Parenting, and Life that I provide under “Categories” on my website, DrRandallSchroeder.com.

God's richest blessings upon your life and relationships!

Use Together Language

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. God’s desire for marriage is for couples to strengthen their “oneness” (Genesis 2:24) or “togetherness.”  Usually, when I first counsel a troubled marriage, spouses refer to their possessions and relationships with “single” language. Some examples are:  "my" marriage, “my” house, “my” money, “my” room, “my” son or daughter, etc.

Once couples learn simple behaviors and words for increasing their “one flesh” union, “together” language starts to become more prevalent.  After marital improvement, I hear “we” are saving more, “our” cars, “our” child, “we” are planning for a happier relationship, "our" marriage.  My Christian marriage book that is coming soon will practically and specifically provide spouses with the “tools” for reinforcing a couple’s “oneness.”

TODAY:  Please remember to use only “together” language to boost marital commitment and strengthen your “oneness.”

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Dream Together For A Happy Marriage

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. I absolutely believe that happy couples “Dream Together” about short term, intermediate, and long term aspirations and wishes.  Recently, I counseled with a couple that six months ago had a really troubled marriage, and thankfully now, both spouses are not only satisfied but very pleased with their “new” relationship.  During one of their first sessions, I suggested that to renew their marital commitment and bring joy back to their relationship, start planning for future good-times together.

They implemented that simple habit and together regularly plan for a gratifying marriage by talking about ideas for their next date, wishes for their next mini-vacation, and ambitious visions for their five year anniversary celebrations.  They incorporated “Dreaming Together” as a new simple habit but also are utilizing many other simple habits from my marriage book.

TODAY:  “Dream Together” about short term, intermediate, and long term hopes and dreams to both strengthen your connection and increase your emotional oneness.

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STAR 88.3 Radio Marriage Interview

Last Wednesday I had the privilege of being interviewed by Melissa Montana of Christian Radio Station STAR 88.3 regarding Christian marriage.  Shown below is the link to my interview. http://star883.com/news/randy-schroeder-the-platinum-marriage

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On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life.

Is Your Spouse a Number One Priority?

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Certainly, God is top priority but when married a spouse is second.  Successful businesses know their number one priority and that compelling goal provides clear direction for the entire company. Likewise, in a happy, satisfying marriage, both spouses understand the importance of working hard to make each other a Number One Priority.

Strive to keep balance in life and relationships but recognize that a gratifying marriage is a “work” of love with healthy priorities.  Don’t let your marriage deteriorate toward brokenness and unhappiness by forgetting to make your spouse a priority.

An important need for all of us is to feel valued.  So reaffirm your marital vows and commit to valuing your spouse by making them a Number One Priority.  Help your spouse feel cherished and respected through compliments, initiating physical touch, listening attentively, having sexual intimacy often, being cooperative with decisions, keeping balance with household roles, jointly planning for financial harmony, allowing for personal recharge time, etc.

TODAY:  Ask your spouse, “What can I do or say to make you feel more like a priority?”  (July 12, 2017)

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Take The 7-Day Affection Challenge

On Wednesdays I will post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Definitely, physical touch benefits our physical and emotional well-being, but just as important, affection helps a couple’s marital well-being.  For every satisfying marriage, affection has always been one of the absolutely essential aspects of the relationship.  By initiating daily affection, both spouses reaffirm their commitment to never take each other or the marriage for granted.

Every healthy spouse knows the importance of touch!  Frequent, consistent, meaningful touch demonstrates care and value for a mate and without even speaking one word is a way of saying, “I love you.”  Affection augments a marriage in so many ways, increasing the likelihood of a strong emotional connection and a gratifying relationship.  With your spouse, hold hands, give a peck on the cheek, rub their back, lovingly squeeze an arm, caress their head, give a lengthy hug, etc.

TODAY:  Begin the 7-Day Affection Challenge by personally initiating non-sexual touch multiple times per day for one week. (June 14, 2017)

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