Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote. I pray this quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” Leo Tolstoy
Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote. I pray this quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” Martin Luther
Marital abuse is the silent sin that causes damaging emotional and/or physical pain in too many relationships. Abuse in marriage involves a persistent pattern of behaviors to exercise control, power, and entitlement. There are six types of abuse: emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial, and time. Shown below are just a few questions to assess possible abuse in a marital relationship.
1. Do you feel like you have to “walk on egg shells” to keep your spouse from getting angry?
2. Does your spouse criticize many things that you do?
3. Does your spouse isolate you by trying to cut you off from family and friends?
4. Are you compliant because you are afraid to hurt your spouse’s feelings?
5. Does your spouse give you the silent treatment to punish you?
6. Is your spouse hypersensitive and easily insulted?
7. Are you frightened by your spouse’s temper?
8. Does your spouse blame you for their anger?
9. Does your spouse do everything to win an argument?
10. Does your spouse rant about injustices that are just part of life?
Today: I pray that you are able to answer “no” to all these questions. If you answered “yes” to a question(s) and have concerns for your personal well-being and marriage seek help from a professional.
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Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote. I pray this quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche
Encouragement and affirmation are essential qualities for every spouse to possess. It is important to seek ways to lovingly build up your spouse. Shown below are 10 Ways to express regard and praise your spouse.
1. Tell your spouse that you are proud to be their marriage partner.
2. Talk often about things that your partner is interested in.
3. Through your words and actions create a home atmosphere of peace and joy.
4. Avoid being a “nag” or a “demanding boss.”
5. Appreciate your spouse in one specific way each day.
6. Let your partner know your expectations in a sensitive and loving manner.
7. Never interrupt during a conversation.
8. Take your spouse’s hand or arm when you walk together.
9. Regularly show your partner your sense of humor.
10. Never let a day pass without saying “I love you.”
Today: Use one of these 10 Ways or create your own ideas for building up your spouse.
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We all want good strong relationships. Healthy relationships are fulfilling, enjoyable, and actually help our emotional and physical well-being. Although not an exhaustive list, shown below are 10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships.
1. Servanthood. Jesus came “not to be served, but to serve, in order to pay the price and free the world from the penalty of sin.” Only with Jesus was it a one-way street. In healthy earthly relationships—marriage, families, friendships--serving is a two-way street. So if something is only good for one in the relationship that is selfishness, not servanthood.
2. Forgiveness. Hurts, disappointments, and mistakes happen in every satisfying relationship. Without apologizing and forgiving, a grudge wall is built between two people.
3. Love or “Value.” One of the best synonyms for love is value. When two people value each other from a servant heart and not a quid pro quo stance, that relationship will thrive.
4. Open Communication. Totally open communication can be brutal, so avoid it. However, loving, open communication is vital in building a strong friendship. Being able to share joys and frustrations, both individuals speaking and listening, neither person getting defensive over topics, is essential for healthy relationships.
5. Self-control. The Bible says a “fruit of the Spirit” is self-control, without it friendship in marriage, families, others, and life can be difficult. Various forms of abuse, addictions, and significant personality issues are due to an absence of self-control.
6. Patience. We all can struggle with impatience, driving a car, waiting at a restaurant, shopping, so imperfection with patience is normal. However, exhibiting patience with others and daily life, is an essential attribute for two people seeking a healthy relationship.
7. Mutual Respect. Two people don’t necessarily agree in every area but they respect each other’s viewpoint. Disagree yes, disrespect no!
8. Kindness. Treating people with gentleness and thoughtfulness is at the heart of a wholesome person and makes all the difference in the world when it comes to a rewarding relationship.
9. Laughter. Life has enough drama! Smiles and appropriate humor are a fundamental quality for any friendship. Light-heartedness and fun are lubrication for potential friction in life as well as any relationship.
10. Commitment. In society today, loyalty is often a missing component. Commitment means that two people work on their issues by having reasonable expectations and seeking solutions. Loyalty says, “I am not leaving and will work together with you for the sake of our relationship.”
Today: Assess all your relationships based upon the 10 Qualities and determine where improvement is needed.
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The number “7” in the Bible stands for completeness, perfection, or wholeness. This Valentine’s Day, complete your relationship and make your connection perfectly wholesome and satisfying.
Tomorrow, value your spouse and help them feel special without spending any money. Shown below are 14 money free ways to love your spouse.
1. Hold your spouse’s hand for at least 7 minutes.
2. Leave a love note.
3. Hug your spouse 7 different times.
4. Tell your spouse the internal attribute that you appreciate the most about them.
5. Smile at your spouse 7 different times.
6. Share with your spouse your best day ever together.
7. Enjoy discussing with your spouse your favorite mini-vacation or vacation.
8. Look into each other’s eyes for 7 minutes.
9. Share a romantic memory with your spouse.
10. Complete this sentence with your spouse, “I feel loved and valued by you when . . . . .
11. Give your spouse 7 kisses.
12. Share with your spouse the first time you felt emotionally close.
13. Plan and set a date for a special future time together.
14. Compliment your spouse in a specific way with the words, “I appreciate . . . . .
Tomorrow On Valentine’s Day: Commit to implementing 7 of the 14 ways listed, or utilize your own loving ways, and help your spouse feel really loved on this special day!
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Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote. I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.
“Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud. Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” First Corinthians 13:4-8
Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote. I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.
“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective.” Gary Chapman
I have had spouses, pastors, and even other counselors ask what I believe are the foundational aspects that matter the most for a gratifying marriage. Counseling and written materials that provide skills and tools in 7 major areas can help build a strong, wholesome relationship for lifelong marital happiness.
When couples are effective in the 7 essential components shown below, the probabilities for a gratifying relationship are significantly increased.
1. Expectations: Very simply, expectations will either create a strong emotional connection or deep disappointment and hurt. Whenever a couple is satisfied in their relationship, the simple reason is expectations are being met. Whenever a couple is disappointed in their marriage, expectations are not being fulfilled.
2. Disagreement Discussion Guidelines: Disagreements are natural occurrences in happy marriages. Couples in satisfying relationships certainly have disagreements—but they rarely have fights, arguments, and conflicts. So a disagreement is never the problem, it is how a couple handles a disagreement while finding a solution.
3. Apologizing and Forgiving: The Bible has nearly 125 references to the importance of forgiveness for interpersonal relationships. When spouses have the momentous goal to apologize and forgive one another for marital hurts or sins that substantially improves the chances for a gratifying relationship.
4. Finances: 70% of couples fight over finances. Couples need a budget and financial guidelines to produce financial harmony.
5. Communication: Words and behaviors can either build up or tear down a relationship. Couples need basic skills for improving daily communication in both verbal and physical aspects of a relationship.
6. Boundaries: Healthy couples set limits with unhealthy behaviors. Those “guards” make a significant difference in generating a satisfying relationship.
7. Faith Life: Worshiping on a regular basis, praying at meals, and simply praying together for blessings, the needs of others, or personal requests of almighty God can strengthen a relationship. Striving to please God usually leads to healthy behaviors and nurturing words.
This Week: Discuss with your spouse what steps you can take together to strengthen or improve your relationship in all 7 major aspects of a marriage.
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