10 Ways To Build Up Your Spouse

Encouragement and affirmation are essential qualities for every spouse to possess.  It is important to seek ways to lovingly build up your spouse.  Shown below are 10 Ways to express regard and praise your spouse.

1.  Tell your spouse that you are proud to be their marriage partner.

2.  Talk often about things that your partner is interested in.

3.  Through your words and actions create a home atmosphere of peace and joy.

4.  Avoid being a “nag” or a “demanding boss.”

5.  Appreciate your spouse in one specific way each day.

6.  Let your partner know your expectations in a sensitive and loving manner.

7.  Never interrupt during a conversation.

8.  Take your spouse’s hand or arm when you walk together.

9.  Regularly show your partner your sense of humor.

10.  Never let a day pass without saying “I love you.”

Today:  Use one of these 10 Ways or create your own ideas for building up your spouse. 

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  Please also “SUBSCRIBE” on my website for future newletters and information about my Christian marriage book.  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships

We all want good strong relationships.  Healthy relationships are fulfilling, enjoyable, and actually help our emotional and physical well-being.  Although not an exhaustive list, shown below are 10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships. 

1.         Servanthood.  Jesus came “not to be served, but to serve, in order to pay the price and free the world from the penalty of sin.”  Only with Jesus was it a one-way street.  In healthy earthly relationships—marriage, families, friendships--serving is a two-way street.  So if something is only good for one in the relationship that is selfishness, not servanthood.

2.         Forgiveness.  Hurts, disappointments, and mistakes happen in every satisfying relationship.  Without apologizing and forgiving, a grudge wall is built between two people. 

3.         Love or “Value.”  One of the best synonyms for love is value.  When two people value each other from a servant heart and not a quid pro quo stance, that relationship will thrive.

4.         Open Communication.  Totally open communication can be brutal, so avoid it. However, loving, open communication is vital in building a strong friendship.  Being able to share joys and frustrations, both individuals speaking and listening, neither person getting defensive over topics, is essential for healthy relationships.

5.         Self-control.  The Bible says a “fruit of the Spirit” is self-control, without it friendship in marriage, families, others, and life can be difficult.  Various forms of abuse, addictions, and significant personality issues are due to an absence of self-control.    

6.         Patience.  We all can struggle with impatience, driving a car, waiting at a restaurant, shopping, so imperfection with patience is normal.  However, exhibiting patience with others and daily life, is an essential attribute for two people seeking a healthy relationship.

7.         Mutual Respect.  Two people don’t necessarily agree in every area but they respect each other’s viewpoint.  Disagree yes, disrespect no! 

8.         Kindness.  Treating people with gentleness and thoughtfulness is at the heart of a wholesome person and makes all the difference in the world when it comes to a rewarding relationship.

9.         Laughter.  Life has enough drama!  Smiles and appropriate humor are a fundamental quality for any friendship.  Light-heartedness and fun are lubrication for potential friction in life as well as any relationship. 

10.       Commitment.  In society today, loyalty is often a missing component. Commitment means that two people work on their issues by having reasonable expectations and seeking solutions. Loyalty says, “I am not leaving and will work together with you for the sake of our relationship.”     

Today:  Assess all your relationships based upon the 10 Qualities and determine where improvement is needed. 

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

14 Ways To Value Your Spouse On Valentine’s Day

The number “7” in the Bible stands for completeness, perfection, or wholeness.  This Valentine’s Day, complete your relationship and make your connection perfectly wholesome and satisfying.

Tomorrow, value your spouse and help them feel special without spending any money.  Shown below are 14 money free ways to love your spouse. 

1.  Hold your spouse’s hand for at least 7 minutes.

2.  Leave a love note.

3.  Hug your spouse 7 different times.

4.  Tell your spouse the internal attribute that you appreciate the most about them.

5.  Smile at your spouse 7 different times.

6. Share with your spouse your best day ever together.

7. Enjoy discussing with your spouse your favorite mini-vacation or vacation.

8.  Look into each other’s eyes for 7 minutes.

9.  Share a romantic memory with your spouse.

10.  Complete this sentence with your spouse, “I feel loved and valued by you when . . . . .

11.  Give your spouse 7 kisses.

12.  Share with your spouse the first time you felt emotionally close.

13.  Plan and set a date for a special future time together.

14.  Compliment your spouse in a specific way with the words, “I appreciate . . . . .

Tomorrow On Valentine’s Day:  Commit to implementing 7 of the 14 ways listed, or utilize your own loving ways, and help your spouse feel really loved on this special day!

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

MONDAY MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote.  I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.  

“Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud.  Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  First Corinthians 13:4-8 

MONDAY MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote.  I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.  

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective.” Gary Chapman

7 Foundational Aspects Of Your Marriage That Are Essential

I have had spouses, pastors, and even other counselors ask what I believe are the foundational aspects that matter the most for a gratifying marriage.  Counseling and written materials that provide skills and tools in 7 major areas can help build a strong, wholesome relationship for lifelong marital happiness.   

When couples are effective in the 7 essential components shown below, the probabilities for a gratifying relationship are significantly increased. 

1.  Expectations: Very simply, expectations will either create a strong emotional connection or deep disappointment and hurt.  Whenever a couple is satisfied in their relationship, the simple reason is expectations are being met.  Whenever a couple is disappointed in their marriage, expectations are not being fulfilled.  

2. Disagreement Discussion Guidelines: Disagreements are natural occurrences in happy marriages.  Couples in satisfying relationships certainly have disagreements—but they rarely have fights, arguments, and conflicts.  So a disagreement is never the problem, it is how a couple handles a disagreement while finding a solution.

3.  Apologizing and Forgiving: The Bible has nearly 125 references to the importance of forgiveness for interpersonal relationships. When spouses have the momentous goal to apologize and forgive one another for marital hurts or sins that substantially improves the chances for a gratifying relationship. 

 4.  Finances:  70% of couples fight over finances.  Couples need a budget and financial guidelines to produce financial harmony.

5. Communication: Words and behaviors can either build up or tear down a relationship.  Couples need basic skills for improving daily communication in both verbal and physical aspects of a relationship. 

 6.  Boundaries:  Healthy couples set limits with unhealthy behaviors.  Those “guards” make a significant difference in generating a satisfying relationship.

 7.  Faith Life:  Worshiping on a regular basis, praying at meals, and simply praying together for blessings, the needs of others, or personal requests of almighty God can strengthen a relationship. Striving to please God usually leads to healthy behaviors and nurturing words. 

 This Week:  Discuss with your spouse what steps you can take together to strengthen or improve your relationship in all 7 major aspects of a marriage.    

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

7 Steps To Prevent An Affair

Of the marriages that I have seen end in divorce, I estimate that a third of the time an affair is the reason. Due to the newness and false passion with an affair partner, the marital couple often has little chance of restoring the relationship.  Shown below are 7 Steps to hopefully prevent an affair. 

1.  Understand that every spouse is capable of being unfaithful.  We read in the Bible that King David, “a man after God’s own heart,” committed adultery.

2.  You can never have 100% trust in your spouse.  From betrayed partners I have heard numerous times, “I thought my spouse was 100% trustworthy.”  The goal is always the upper 90th percentile but no partner ever achieves 100%. 

3.  Relationships are bank accounts with deposits and withdrawals.  With affair partners, there are almost no withdrawals.  Limit your innocent deposits with friends of the opposite sex. 

4.  Watch your social media deposits.  Text messages, emails, quick phone calls, etc. can easily lead to unfaithfulness.  Due to social media, I have actually seen affairs start with old friends in another state resulting in a divorce. 

5.  Never have any secrets in your marriage.  Secrets hurt relationships and affairs start in secrecy.

6.  Know your spouse’s passwords.  One of the best ways to overcome secrecy is to know each other’s passwords and make your cell phone and email an “open book.”

7.  In Proverbs 4:23, God tells spouses to “guard your thoughts.”  Continually be on your guard against words and behaviors that may lead to unfaithfulness.  

This Week:  Sit down with your spouse and discuss together the 7 steps to prevent an affair.  

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

15 Danger Signs A Marriage Is In Trouble

Not recognizing that a marriage is sick and needs outside help from a skilled marriage counselor, pastor, etc. is an “illness” that can easily destroy the oneness of a couple.  Usually before a divorce is even final, one or both partners have been “emotionally divorced” for period of time.

Hence, it is absolutely essential that couples understand the “sickness signs” that may create the slippery slope toward marital brokenness.  Although not an exhaustive list, shown below are 15 Danger Signs. 

 1.         Positive times together outside the home rarely occur.  In addition, when a couple spends time together, sadly much of that time is more negative than positive.

2.         One partner controls most aspects of the marriage.  The relationship is not a partnership because decisions are one-sided a majority of the time.

3.         Spouses seldom eat meals together which creates a “single mindset” more than a couple relationship.

4.         Politeness seems to have left the relationship, meaning kind words and compliments are rarely given by one or both spouses.

5.         When a hurt or disappointment occurs, an apology almost never happens and/or forgiveness is not given, building a “grudge wall” between the spouses.

6.         One spouse keeps secrets-financial, technology, relationships, passwords, etc.

7.         One spouse does most of the “giving,” while the other partner is more of a “taker.”

8.         One spouse regularly overreacts to minor hurts or quickly becomes defensive when a suggestion is made. Such unhealthy sensitivity often leads to disrespectful arguments that escalate out of control.

9.         Physical touch like lengthy hugs and kisses are infrequent.  Sexual intimacy also rarely happens or is almost nonexistent.

10.       Sarcasm becomes common with hurtful teasing where one spouse is the butt of jokes.

11.       Complaints have become attacks made on a spouse’s character rather than the goal of correcting bothersome words or behaviors.

12.       One spouse is growing and improving, while the other partner lacks the desire to grow and maybe has even slid backwards in some ways.

13.       Opposite sex friendships develop and become stronger than the marital connection.

14.       One spouse has personal issues like anger, selfishness, addictions, OCD, compulsive spending, eating disorders, that have gotten worse over the years creating an emotional divide. 

15.       Communication skills have deteriorated into serious problems like interruptions, mind-reading, memory-matching, extreme silence, negative labeling, yelling, etc.

This Week:  Discuss with your spouse how to prevent the spread of these infectious danger signs in order to have a healthy, happy marriage. 

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.

7 “Like” Questions To Strengthen Your Marriage

It is important to focus on what you like about your spouse and the good in your marriage.  In that regard, please share answers with your spouse to the following 7 “Like” Questions.

1.  What internal qualities do you like most about your spouse?

2. What do you like about your spouse’s verbal communication?

3. What do you like about your spouse’s nonverbal communication?

4. What do you like about how your spouse works with you on decision-making?

5. What do you like about how your spouse handles household chores?

6. What do you like about how your spouse manages household finances?

7. What do you like most about your sexual intimacy interaction?

TODAY:  And every day focus on the good qualities in your spouse as well as positive aspects of your marriage.  

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandySchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

8 Connects To Thank Your Spouse

We all look forward to Thanksgiving Day and remembering how truly blessed we are in so many ways in this great nation.  Similarly, this Thanksgiving weekend initiate thankful words and actions for your spouse through 8 Special Connects.

1. Verbal Connect. Express thankfulness to your spouse by initiating “I love you”; “I care so deeply about you”; “You are so special to me”; etc.

2. Physical Connect. Surprise your spouse with a lengthy hug and meaningful kiss.

3. Written Connect. Write a two or three sentence note expressing your love and thankfulness for your spouse.

4. Time Connect. Spend 15 minutes giving your spouse undivided attention and look into their eyes.

5. Compliment Connect. Praise your spouse with a compliment in front of others.

6. Date Connect. Although the “Date Your Mate” may not happen this weekend, share with your spouse the day and time you would like to have a date.

7. Dream Connect. Plan a getaway with your spouse for one night or if time and money allow for a longer period of time.

8. Pray Connect. Hold hands and give thanks to almighty God for your marriage and the many blessings you have in life.

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”