Practical Wisdom For M...

MONDAY MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

Similar to the wisdom of Proverbs, every Monday I will share a practical wisdom quote.  I pray the quote will make a difference in your personal life and relationships.  

“Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud.  Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  First Corinthians 13:4-8 

7 Foundational Aspects Of Your Marriage That Are Essential

I have had spouses, pastors, and even other counselors ask what I believe are the foundational aspects that matter the most for a gratifying marriage.  Counseling and written materials that provide skills and tools in 7 major areas can help build a strong, wholesome relationship for lifelong marital happiness.   

When couples are effective in the 7 essential components shown below, the probabilities for a gratifying relationship are significantly increased. 

1.  Expectations: Very simply, expectations will either create a strong emotional connection or deep disappointment and hurt.  Whenever a couple is satisfied in their relationship, the simple reason is expectations are being met.  Whenever a couple is disappointed in their marriage, expectations are not being fulfilled.  

2. Disagreement Discussion Guidelines: Disagreements are natural occurrences in happy marriages.  Couples in satisfying relationships certainly have disagreements—but they rarely have fights, arguments, and conflicts.  So a disagreement is never the problem, it is how a couple handles a disagreement while finding a solution.

3.  Apologizing and Forgiving: The Bible has nearly 125 references to the importance of forgiveness for interpersonal relationships. When spouses have the momentous goal to apologize and forgive one another for marital hurts or sins that substantially improves the chances for a gratifying relationship. 

 4.  Finances:  70% of couples fight over finances.  Couples need a budget and financial guidelines to produce financial harmony.

5. Communication: Words and behaviors can either build up or tear down a relationship.  Couples need basic skills for improving daily communication in both verbal and physical aspects of a relationship. 

 6.  Boundaries:  Healthy couples set limits with unhealthy behaviors.  Those “guards” make a significant difference in generating a satisfying relationship.

 7.  Faith Life:  Worshiping on a regular basis, praying at meals, and simply praying together for blessings, the needs of others, or personal requests of almighty God can strengthen a relationship. Striving to please God usually leads to healthy behaviors and nurturing words. 

 This Week:  Discuss with your spouse what steps you can take together to strengthen or improve your relationship in all 7 major aspects of a marriage.    

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7 Steps To Prevent An Affair

Of the marriages that I have seen end in divorce, I estimate that a third of the time an affair is the reason. Due to the newness and false passion with an affair partner, the marital couple often has little chance of restoring the relationship.  Shown below are 7 Steps to hopefully prevent an affair. 

1.  Understand that every spouse is capable of being unfaithful.  We read in the Bible that King David, “a man after God’s own heart,” committed adultery.

2.  You can never have 100% trust in your spouse.  From betrayed partners I have heard numerous times, “I thought my spouse was 100% trustworthy.”  The goal is always the upper 90th percentile but no partner ever achieves 100%. 

3.  Relationships are bank accounts with deposits and withdrawals.  With affair partners, there are almost no withdrawals.  Limit your innocent deposits with friends of the opposite sex. 

4.  Watch your social media deposits.  Text messages, emails, quick phone calls, etc. can easily lead to unfaithfulness.  Due to social media, I have actually seen affairs start with old friends in another state resulting in a divorce. 

5.  Never have any secrets in your marriage.  Secrets hurt relationships and affairs start in secrecy.

6.  Know your spouse’s passwords.  One of the best ways to overcome secrecy is to know each other’s passwords and make your cell phone and email an “open book.”

7.  In Proverbs 4:23, God tells spouses to “guard your thoughts.”  Continually be on your guard against words and behaviors that may lead to unfaithfulness.  

This Week:  Sit down with your spouse and discuss together the 7 steps to prevent an affair.  

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life. 

15 Danger Signs A Marriage Is In Trouble

Not recognizing that a marriage is sick and needs outside help from a skilled marriage counselor, pastor, etc. is an “illness” that can easily destroy the oneness of a couple.  Usually before a divorce is even final, one or both partners have been “emotionally divorced” for period of time.

Hence, it is absolutely essential that couples understand the “sickness signs” that may create the slippery slope toward marital brokenness.  Although not an exhaustive list, shown below are 15 Danger Signs. 

 1.         Positive times together outside the home rarely occur.  In addition, when a couple spends time together, sadly much of that time is more negative than positive.

2.         One partner controls most aspects of the marriage.  The relationship is not a partnership because decisions are one-sided a majority of the time.

3.         Spouses seldom eat meals together which creates a “single mindset” more than a couple relationship.

4.         Politeness seems to have left the relationship, meaning kind words and compliments are rarely given by one or both spouses.

5.         When a hurt or disappointment occurs, an apology almost never happens and/or forgiveness is not given, building a “grudge wall” between the spouses.

6.         One spouse keeps secrets-financial, technology, relationships, passwords, etc.

7.         One spouse does most of the “giving,” while the other partner is more of a “taker.”

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8.         One spouse regularly overreacts to minor hurts or quickly becomes defensive when a suggestion is made. Such unhealthy sensitivity often leads to disrespectful arguments that escalate out of control.

9.         Physical touch like lengthy hugs and kisses are infrequent.  Sexual intimacy also rarely happens or is almost nonexistent.

10.       Sarcasm becomes common with hurtful teasing where one spouse is the butt of jokes.

11.       Complaints have become attacks made on a spouse’s character rather than the goal of correcting bothersome words or behaviors.

12.       One spouse is growing and improving, while the other partner lacks the desire to grow and maybe has even slid backwards in some ways.

13.       Opposite sex friendships develop and become stronger than the marital connection.

14.       One spouse has personal issues like anger, selfishness, addictions, OCD, compulsive spending, eating disorders, that have gotten worse over the years creating an emotional divide. 

15.       Communication skills have deteriorated into serious problems like interruptions, mind-reading, memory-matching, extreme silence, negative labeling, yelling, etc.

This Week:  Discuss with your spouse how to prevent the spread of these infectious danger signs in order to have a healthy, happy marriage. 

Enjoyed this post?  Like or share on Facebook and Twitter to spread the word!  See past blog posts under Practical Wisdom for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.

7 “Like” Questions To Strengthen Your Marriage

It is important to focus on what you like about your spouse and the good in your marriage.  In that regard, please share answers with your spouse to the following 7 “Like” Questions.

  1.  What internal qualities do you like most about your spouse?

  2. What do you like about your spouse’s verbal communication?

  3. What do you like about your spouse’s nonverbal communication?

  4. What do you like about how your spouse works with you on decision-making?

  5. What do you like about how your spouse handles household chores?

  6. What do you like about how your spouse manages household finances?

  7. What do you like most about your sexual intimacy interaction?

TODAY:  And every day focus on the good qualities in your spouse as well as positive aspects of your marriage.  

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandySchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

8 Connects To Thank Your Spouse

We all look forward to Thanksgiving Day and remembering how truly blessed we are in so many ways in this great nation.  Similarly, this Thanksgiving weekend initiate thankful words and actions for your spouse through 8 Special Connects.

  1. Verbal Connect. Express thankfulness to your spouse by initiating “I love you”; “I care so deeply about you”; “You are so special to me”; etc.

  2. Physical Connect. Surprise your spouse with a lengthy hug and meaningful kiss.

  3. Written Connect. Write a two or three sentence note expressing your love and thankfulness for your spouse.

  4. Time Connect. Spend 15 minutes giving your spouse undivided attention and look into their eyes.

  5. Compliment Connect. Praise your spouse with a compliment in front of others.

  6. Date Connect. Although the “Date Your Mate” may not happen this weekend, share with your spouse the day and time you would like to have a date.

  7. Dream Connect. Plan a getaway with your spouse for one night or if time and money allow for a longer period of time.

  8. Pray Connect. Hold hands and give thanks to almighty God for your marriage and the many blessings you have in life.


Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

7 Ways To Effectively Listen To Your Spouse

Being a gold medal listener to your spouse is one of the best ways to help your partner feel loved, valued, and important.

  1.  Begin with your EYES. Efficient listening always requires that you almost stare into your spouse’s eyes.

  2. PLAN TIME on a daily basis to attentively listen to your partner for even five minutes.

  3. Have NO DISTRACTIONS. The cell phone, tablet, newspaper, or other outside elements will be a block to active listening.

  4. ASK QUESTIONS. Asking back-to-back questions almost forces you to be a successful listener.

  5. AVOID the Cs – Don’t Correct, Criticize, Complain, or Condemn. This may be one of the biggest challenges to being a competent listener.  Having a “C Attitude” produces a focus on yourself rather than your partner.

  6. WATCH YOUR NON-VERBALS. Your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language will either build-up or break down your listening skills.

  7. WORK HARD AT BEING A CAPABLE LISTENER. Being a caring listener actually takes practice on a daily basis.

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

In addition, I now have six marriage videos on my YouTube Channel, “Dr. Randall Schroeder.” Thank you!

7 Signs You Are A Healthy Spouse

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. No spouse is perfect but evaluating these 7 signs can make a positive difference in marital happiness.

  1. You are better in every area of your marriage than the day you got married. You have a strong desire to improve and grow both as a person and a spouse on a daily basis.

  2. You are a giver. You give compliments, physical affection, offer encouragement, and very simply, say and do things often that value your spouse.

  3. You are agreeable and cooperative. You are easy to get along with, meaning, you are flexible, go with the flow, and not a control fanatic with decisions.

  4. You don’t “Have To.” You avoid “Having To”: compulsively shop; gamble; excessively drink alcohol; demonstrate irrational anger; compulsively use technology; etc.

  5. You are a girlfriend/boyfriend to your spouse every day. You never take your spouse for granted by continually winning your partner’s heart through positive words and actions.

  6. You plan time with your spouse. You don’t let your time together happen by chance but you schedule time daily and weekly with your partner.

  7. You are an apologizer and forgiver. You are willingly to admit when you make a mistake as well as forgive when your spouse apologizes to you.

TODAY:  Discuss with your spouse these 7 signs to assess where both of you desire improvement. 

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

In addition, I now have six marriage videos on my YouTube Channel, “Dr. Randall Schroeder.” Thank you!

 

3 Wonderful Marriage Vows

On Wednesdays I post a practical wisdom thought or suggestion on Marriage, Parenting, or Life. Recently, my wife and I attended the wedding of our friends’ daughter.  Both the bride and groom read beautiful personal vows to each other. While expressing their meaningful commitment before all in attendance, their tears indicated they truly believed what they shared.

Marital complacency is often what starts the slippery slope to unhappiness, and sadly, even divorce at times.  To overcome complacency and never take one’s spouse for granted, I think every couple would do well to communicate three additional vows at the wedding ceremony and even regularly throughout the marriage.

Share with your spouse these three vows:  1) Today, I will avoid complacency in every area of our marriage; 2) Today, I will not take you for granted; and 3) Today, I will be a girlfriend/boyfriend to you in order to help you feel valued just like before our wedding day.

Please follow me on Facebook and “Like” and “Share” when you read a post that is beneficial so others may receive the post.  If you enjoyed reading this post you may enjoy reading other posts found on the website, www.DrRandallSchroeder.com, under “PRACTICAL WISDOM for Marriage, Parenting, and Life.”

 In addition, I now have six marriage videos on my YouTube Channel, “Dr. Randall Schroeder.” Thank you!